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Jojo’s Bookshelf

Bride: Book Review
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Ellery Boyle
Jojo with “Bride”, the book of the week!
 

Misery is an outcast among humans. But she’s the daughter of a councilman and the vampire king, so it’s not something she has to try at. Now she’s been caught up in an arranged marriage with the Werewolf Alpha. On the outside, it’s for peacekeeping, but Misery has her own agenda. Misery’s agenda is disappointingly platonic and very hetero but I guess it’s fine. 

Y’all. I can’t do this anymore. This book was a full 180 from Ali Hazelwood’s usual academia themed books. How is Ali going to go from these smart nice professor men to THE ALPHA, like actually what is this. Stick to the stem, babe.    

It was very obvious this was her first fantasy book. The world building sucked: what do you mean North America was split into 3 territories? What? Where? Just make up your own continent, you simpleton. 

Some parts were unoriginal: like being attracted to her smell, and the whole mate thing…But the parts that weren’t unoriginal were SO WEIRD. Why do they bleed green and purple? I’ll give you that one, Ali. It’s definitely all you. And don’t even get me started on the KNOT. Also Weres and Vampyres? Can you just be normal and say vampires/werewolves please. 

Hey did I mention he’s the alpha? Like on a scale from one to alpha, he’s THE alpha. Here are some of my favorite alpha quotes:

 “She dips her head and then murmurs a soft ‘Alpha’ before stalking out of the office.”  

 “Even his scent was right. Everyone knows that he had the making of an alpha.” Is this satire? Are we being pranked? Alright bring out the cameras, Ali.

”Weres coming over to bring concerns, advice, requests to their alpha.” Guys.. I think he’s the alpha or something. 

“The Were alpha, my husband.” Thanks Misery. I almost forgot.

 “He is the alpha, Miss lark. too busy to meet.” Everytime they say alpha I want to quit. Wanna know how many times that was? 63. 63 times. I literally cannot take this book seriously.

Goodreads user and vigorous Ali Hazelwood hater, Eleiina, mentioned that Miss Hazelwood doesn’t describe her character’s physical appearance. I literally cannot visualize Misery in my mind; She’s tall – but that was only mentioned once and is completely overshadowed because Lowe is gigantic, as per usual- And I know her eye color. All vampires have purple eyes. All werewolves have green eyes. Don’t dare ask me why.

Ok guys. Got to give to her, Misery is super sarcastic lowkey funny. I kinda mess with her. Even if I have no idea what she looks like.

In conclusion, this book was KNOT it. But I’m going to give it 2 stars because I did enjoy reading it, even if it was just for the laugh. 

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About the Contributors
Jolie Damer-Daigle
Jolie Damer-Daigle, Book Critic
Jolie Damer-Daigle is a junior and the one and only Book Critic on the Pipeline. In her free time, she enjoys reading (duh) and is somewhat of a fiber artist. Jolie is passionate about performance arts and maintaining long lasting friendships. She was drawn to the newspaper because of her interests in creative writing and voicing her opinions on books.
Ellery Boyle
Ellery Boyle, Editor & Staff Reporter
Ellery Boyle is a junior and an experienced editor/reporter on the Pipeline. She originally joined the Pipeline for her interest in photography but found an interest in journalism. Boyle is involved in the swim and soccer teams and is also a member of the National Honor Society. When she's not working on the Pipeline she is probably baking or hanging out with her giant yellow lab, Max.
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